Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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