Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i was born a porn star she said
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Randomize