I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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