I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
