dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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