I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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