I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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