so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
