Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
