Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
