apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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