I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
