I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
