Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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