K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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