FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
