yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
