His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
