she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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