How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
this just has baby written all over it
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
