Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
