Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
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