Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
