I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
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