I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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