I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
