highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
