My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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