i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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