I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I just found a bag of teeth...
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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