You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
