There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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