this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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