I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
