oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize