I heard we made out
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
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