I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
