I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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