She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize