I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Randomize
