are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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