What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
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