i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
