You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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