Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
