Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
