i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
