like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
There's always time for handjobs
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
