I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
