found the other keg... it's in the tree
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
