I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
The feeling are messing with the penis
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
