Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
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