Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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