I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
