Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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