I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Alive.
So much puke
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
