i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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