20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Randomize
