He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
