actually, I'm a sock model
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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