I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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