I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
