dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
