Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize