all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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