all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
