remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
