ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
