Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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