naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
