I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
