i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
