I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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